The Fast And Not So Furious

So people, I shall discus a topic close to many a heart. Food. You just can't live without it, and let's be honest if we could all eat as much as we like and not gain a pound, the world would be full of food junkies overdosing on the gluttonous drippings of desire.

Hey! Not so fast!

Well I am a man who is not the most portly of gentlemen, however, inside lurks the obese man craving to escape which has riddled my life for the previous years of my gormandizing life. So in perhaps a drastic step, I have eaten nothing today, on one of my 'fast' days. I am currently subscribed to the 5:2 diet, and today is the beginning of fast. To try and settle my nerves I amply prepared, for the protection of my ample rump and gut, an emergency plum.

Yes, you heard me right, an emergency plum. A plum which I would digest in case things took a drastic turn and my stomach was crumbling in on itself.

But success fellow digitals, the emergency plum is still here. There was no emergency, no need for the plum to be released, no gut-wrenching pain in needed of the plummy goodness of the sweet, price-reduced, plum. The plum is still in its protective freezer bag, ready in case of a future night time emergency.

Now a bigger man than I would make a joke about plums and gentlemens areas. I however, assume that readers may have already twigged onto such possible innuendos, so I will just say that you need some plums in your life.

But, all in all, today (thus far) has been void of food, but full of water and caffeine, and there are of course other ways to avoid thinking about food and distracting yourself. Like the possibility of double breakfast tomorrow.